Mortimer the mortiser

About three days after we moved into our house a broom fell snugly between the hinge-side of the coat-closet door and jamb.  Of course the door was quickly closed and the broom handle became a very useful fulcrum against which to pry the hinge away from the door with a  tearing, twisting force.  Welcome to your new home.  I attempted a fix that involved (I'm not proud of this) liquid nails.  IE: Glue.  It was fugly and cheapass but the door closed and my son was learning to walk, so, meh. Pick up on the door when you close it, what's the big deal?  About a month ago, similar scenario, something in between the jamb and the slap-dash hinge.  Add a 5 year old determined to shut the door like she'd been told.  Liquid nails were kinda brittle at this point.  Now the door is off the top hinge completely and just way trashy looking even for us.  I contemplated it for a couple weeks.  This is carpentry above my pay grade.  For starters: Um, it's door hanging.  I dont know much but i know the tolerances aren't that great.  Second, I gotta REHANG the door.  Third: not phillips, not, regular, not hex or torx.  But something called a Roberson screw, its a square in the screwhead.  Sometimes called a square screw or screwlox. They are quite popular in Canada.  Fella at the True-Value very helpful on these points. Fourth, the hinge is mortised not on the door which would be tricky but at least you could move your elbows.  Deep Breath.  Collect all the tools.  Dont let it get you down.  Plenty of people dont know how to fix a door.  They all wear tu-tus and leotards but whatever.  Using my big primate brain and opposable thumbs I elected to just shade the hinge down and expand the existing mortise to accomodate.  I was flying solo so there was lots of colorful language, holding the door with my foot, awkward positioning of neck and elbows but not a ton of chiseling.  Yeah, chiseling.  When you're using a sharp object and blunt force to affect changes in the 1/4 inch range, you are just way beyond my dexterity and, more importantly, patience.  But, it worked.  Robertson screws and all.  Until four days ago.  Heather closed the door really quite normally, though I was inclined to see it differently in the moment.  Tearing, cracking sound of wood being mangled.  Robertson screws dropping neatly, ting ting ting.  The problem with the small-move-of-the-hinge-idea was that the wood at that part of the door had been too severely compromised to hold the (robertson) screws, well or eventually at all.

Once more unto the breech.  Bite off more than you can chew and then chew it.  New mortise, hand-chiseled, painstakingly measured and remeasured.  Turns out the hinge and the door and the jamb all like to be plumb which comes from the Latin word for lead which is another way of saying: dead solid perfect.  Unless you don't mind not being able to close the door.  All the way, I mean.  This can take some error and trial.  But who's counting? and it's so fun to learn new things under the gun.  I am now more or less conversant on the theory if not the practice of door hanging.  Some of you may be wondering why not just get a new door or hire a carpenter and to you I say, don't you know anything?


Missed the hero wod for sickness.  Got two 10k's however.  Today: 3-3-3-3-3 Deads.  Calculations based on 5x put me at 280 for three (5x).  I was almost beat psychologically from the jump.  Thats the most ive picked up in well over a year.  Started at 265, got some confidence, 275, put on a belt, 280, 285, 290.  At 280 I had to decide if to pull two more at theoretical max or go higher.  I think I played it right; two above make up for two below.  I didn't have a pound or rep more.

If you don't like Hank Williams, honey, you can kiss my ass.